"Choose life, choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends." – Trainspotting.
Like everyone else my age, it's finally that shit stage where I have to be responsible for my actions and take an interest in where my life is heading. As much as I want to say fuck that and do a line. The overwhelming facts are: In this life, nothing is free, and the future of my life is just as important, if not more important than, the present.
That 'present day' mentality. Day to day, purely for the party, living for the weekend and the next tune to be played. What a beautiful way to live. Never knowing where it will take you and sure as shit not planning on it. University. The perfect excuse to live by that means. Were most people in my position intended to use their degree to lead to a career pathway they always planned on. University, for me, had a much higher purpose. That overwhelming excuse to party and let everything else come short. Every moment, every situation we've all fallen into.
This doesn't fall within immaturity. It's realising that at our age and in this world, you would simply implode without some form of escapism or outlet. That momentary escape to a parallel universe with no worry in the world.
With the world becoming increasingly unstable, where does someone like me stand? I don't think this is due to me becoming more aware of the fucked up world around me or if the world is going in a whole new direction. Unrecognisable from the one our parents lived in. Old ways of life are obsolete in the name of progress. Develop or die. Our generation is just caught in the crossfire.
Knee-deep in a world of my own and contemplations of the world around me. My eyes get drawn to the candle in front of me. I can't help but stare into the fire. I don't know why, but it's now all I can think about. My mind was centred, focused on this flame. It allowed the noise of the outside world to be silenced. But why? That small flickering candle lit in the middle of the room. Creating the perfect lighting in the room for everything I want to achieve out of the night. Creative thinking and subjective conversation of all degrees.
After all, where would we be in the evolutionary trail without it? The flame that's nurtured our existence on this planet. Protected us in the dark and lead us into the future to where we need it no more. So, as it dances there in front of me, I'm almost transported into a tribal state. Worshipping the flame. Leading me towards a future of my own evolutionary trail.
My mind falls deeper and deeper towards its gaze. I can't look any further than its torchlight. Dancing to its own rhythm. I can't help but relate it to every individual in the room. A solitary path of beauty, warmth and destruction all at the same time. We're all capable of such qualities and all controlled by the conditions around us. Too much flame to any fire and an uncontrollable outburst is inevitable. However, nurtured and cared for were all beautiful flames that can light the room we are in. That strange part of life no one can control. The environment we're placed in and the forever debated question of nature and nurture.
With every conversation getting more rapid, It feels like the energy of the room is created and moulded by the light in front of me. That thought that power can be transcended dimensionally, never destroyed forever, and always there from the start and end of time. 'our extended life cycle'. The energy that has travelled infinitely through time to get to that one moment to light the room I'm in. That constant presence of gravity, matter and time. All in perfect equilibrium until the universe draws its final breath, and all is no more.
Signing off, Justified Passion.