Dull days

The dull days. Not sure whether it's the drugs or just pure boredom that makes my brain think at a million miles an hour. But all I know is it gets worse on 'dull days'. Everyone knows those dull days. When you can't get out of bed because it feels like someone is holding you down. When life gives you lemonade, all you can think about is how many lemons had to be squeezed to make it. Reminiscing every high you've ever encountered and highlighting every mistake, sad moment and decision that led to the inevitable heartbreak.

The previous weekend was of biblical proportions. However, the monotonous routine of being knee-deep in a university course you can't apricate and a job that you can't get your head around. The mixture can be torturous. Can't it, for everyone? Someone who can be happy with normality scares me. Modern-day slaves to the routine. A fate worse than death.

I have questioned the routine that even I fall into and whether I and my cohort are slaves to it. That routine of going out every weekend. Being the living embodiment of a weekend warrior. Spending what little money you have on the night. A new-age type of astronaut. Exploring the depths of our student overdrafts. Almost in suicidal fashion, walking the line of economic disaster every week. Is it worth it? Definitely. Every weekend, sometimes weekday. Almost having its own story and exciting little side mission that gets you caught up in a rollercoaster-like affair that you might possibly tell your grandchildren about. Experiencing things that you could only experience by spending time with your mates and getting up to absolute carnage. You couldn't be any other way!

However, where is the line? At what point do you say to yourself you've gone too far? Sitting in the afters at 7 am considering whether to ring up your dealer for another bag or just do the sensible thing and walk home and wrap up back in bed. I'd like to think that most people my age goes through this predicament at some point. A passage of life, you could say.

But why do we do this to ourselves? Why does any opportunity to party feel like the most crucial thing in the world? Simply, it is.

In our parents' words: "We were young once", "we've all been there". The worst part Is that, for the most part, they're not wrong. Every generation that has come before has gone through the same routine of growing up. With the student population looking for new ways to have fun. Always thinking you're the first one when you're just a domino in a student-sized deck. Every generation has its drug of choice. Through the '60s, it was acid. The '70s was cocaine. The '90s were ecstasy. It's just fallen that our generation has chosen Ketamine. History is always set to repeat itself in one way or another. The pre-adolescents find new ways to stimulate the brain. The process is the same but comes under a different name. The routine of growing up simply repeats itself time and time again. Through different generations, all leading you into the realisation of what life inevitably is... a weird, quirky, almost deja vu-like routine.

We're only 19, but with dull days, months, years, and pandemics like this, it feels like our generation has lived a lifetime.

…. Or it all could just be one bad comedown.